(((jean17)))) I know how you feel. It may not encourage you to say Ive lived with depression 30 + years but I need to tell you that so you can understand my answer.

You're fortunate these days. 30 years ago depression was never spoken of. I hope you find writing your feelings out helpful. I know that would have helped me a lot back then. Having others to share with is a special blessing. Thank you Doc John

You may not be visual so Im not certain I can explain this in a way you'll understand but I'll try.

Image all your thoughts like a plate. All of your thoughts are that dish and if you can imagine a dish, imagine it laying face down. All your thoughts are in that plate.

Right now, all your thoughts are about the depression, what its doing to your life and how badly it feels. I know those feelings are real and be overwhelming.

All your thoughts right now are telling you that this is bad, will never be good, hurts and sucks all around. Remember, the plate is holding your thoughts and its upside down.

You see the future as more meds, more darkness, less joy, a waste. I know how that feels.

> How do we accept that this is as good as I'm going to get?

Maybe you can change the word accept into adjust. Im not asking you to enjoy, be happy, or love what you have. Im asking you to not give up, to give yourself time, to work with some of the process, to agree with letting go of the idea that the future will always be bleak, and to look for, and find, just one tiny ray of sunshine , somehow, everyday.

I know its hard and this may not help at all.

Getting back to the plate. If you took the plate and turned it over, all your feeling could still stay attached, they dont have to change overnight, they couldnt, but, visually, tip the plate over, sunny side up, with the thoughts and feelings facing the light, where they could all stay intact just as you feel right now, only, instead of turned upside down and buried in the darkness, they can now feel the sun, where the daylight is, where seeds can grow and blossoms can bloom.

I know it hurts.