He called from a number I didn't realize he would use to call me. I tried to stay calm. I tried to stay rational. I stood up for myself. He ended up hanging up on me and I ran for the bathroom and was sick. I couldn't get warm, I'm still cold.

I turned on the electric blanket and crept under it and made myself sleep. I made myself try to think of other things so I could sleep and escape, even for a little while.

I must be all right, I must, but I am not. I am not all right, but what good does saying that bring? Nothing. It doesn't make it better.

I am too fragile for this...but that doesn't mean I can avoid it. I'm not even sure this makes sense.

Jan
the sick and desolate