When my parents got divorced I overheard an argument where my Dad was saying he should not have to pay child support for me because I am not his daughter. --------- should have to pay it because he is my father. At first I brushed if off. My dad is a lying, manipulative, mean drunk. I figured he said it just to be an ***** because that would be typical behavior for him, even though he was sober at the time. (Those characteristics were present when he was sober, just not as amplified).

A year or so ago I confronted my mom and she at first denied it. I mentioned Dad had a specific name, and I wanted to know why. My mom then confessed. She said she and my Dad had broken up and she started dating another man. They fell in love and were happy until Dad showed up at a party where the two of them were. (Mom was near tears at this point). She said Dad chased this man off and brought her home with him and two weeks later she found out she was pregnant with me. My mom insisted I am Dad's daughter as she said she was good with using birth control with the other guy, but Dad didn't always let her. She apologized profusely and then said it didn't matter because the man she loved when Dad intervened has been dead for years.

I kept trying to tell myself the same thing- it didn't matter. My Dad raised me (even if he did a poor job) and blood-related or not, he is my father. The other guy has been dead for years so there's no Montel ending where he and I will be reunited. Heck, if he is my father, I don't even know that he knows about me. Besides, mom said she used birth control with the other guy and not deal.

Lately this idea of not knowing who my father is has been bothering me. The man I know as my father had a close brush with death a month ago and it made me realize that my parents are getting old. If mom dies, she will take the secret of who this other guy is to her grave. (In the 26 years since I overheard their conversation, I have forgotten the other guy's name). Mom also must have kept in contact with him in that she knows he is deceased, so she could give me an idea. In the age of the internet, I may be able to discover a little about him. Perhaps I have half siblings out there somewhere, or perhaps he is not my father at all.

At first I was hesitant to find out because i don't want my father to find out. I will need to talk to him or one of my half-siblings related through him to provide a DNA sample and I fear how they will react. I figured I could use the line of, "he died young and I need to know about any genetic predisposition to early death for my children or myself" as a way to prevent hurt feelings, but it's still a big deal.

I also considered pregnancy tests. Current pregnancy tests and detect a pregnancy as soon as 5 days after pregnancy. When i was pregnant with my 10 year old, you had to be about 2 weeks along for the test to come up positive. My mom learned about her pregnancy 39 years ago. How far along would have have had to be for the test to come up positive? Suddenly I feel like the man i know as my father is not my biological father and I want to know for sure, but I'm scared.

Has anyone been through a similar situation? What did you do? Thoughts?