Hi OrionFlinn,
I do not know what to say to alleviate your pain a bit. I do not know if somebody has ever told you this, among other talents that for sure you have, you have this ability of transmitting your inner world using words in a very vivid way. This is a kind of gift, and I feel so bad that somebody with your sensibility and deepness, and with the talent of communicating them so vividly (at least to me) is suffering much by loneliness.