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Jul 04, 2013, 01:05 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,486
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It sounds like you at least in part answered your own question (at least the why question) in your last paragraph, which is very insightful.
Ugh, these two people sound rather selfish/self-centered to me. For the record, I had some very wild years myself, but I didn't jerk around my friends in the process -you can do both, if that makes sense.
Maybe it will help to accept that if they were to change their behaviors at some point in their lives, it most likely will not be because of you (you pointing them out, etc.). Especially when one is filling some needs (without terrible consequences) then there will need to be a deep shift within that person to make changes, it's not going to happen with all the reasoned suggestions in the world on the part of a friend.
I would keep in mind too that I suspect that especially in venues like FB, people may exaggerate how wonderful everything is (to impress, to feel less badly themselves, etc.) and it's possible things aren't all roses for her, as much as she may make it seem so. In other words, I wouldn't take what is written on FB at face value. Also, I may be being too suspicious here, but is it possible that some of what she wrote was for your benefit? As in, you can criticize me, leave me all you want, I had tons of fun *despite* you/anyway (assuming she knew you may well read what she wrote). Again, I may be being too suspicious here.
I think you'll feel better pulling out of her life completely, though I know it may be hard at the moment. I doubt you'll ever be privy to her getting burned for her behavior, so I don't think it will be helpful looking for this -I think you'll always be disappointed, and it will feed the feelings of unfairness.
I'd talk to your therapist about what is happening right now with this ex-friend in the context of what you talk about in your last paragraph. I know you've talked to her about it before, but maybe having this context will make the discussion more fruitful/helpful. 
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