Oh that is awful when that happens. but remember that you are a better person than them, and they certainly havent defeated you. at all. i completely understand your reaction, anyone would react the same. it WILL make you feel vulnerable because thats how they made you feel at the time, and so will it make you scared, and you WILL seem fragile. this is all natural, but it will pass i assure you. i live with my abuser, and although i am not sure what abuse you suffered fromt his person, i suffered sexual abuse and to live with the abuser is extremely hard, harder than people can imagine. but you do learn to channel it, you will learn this. it takes time, but you will get there.

Congratulate yourself on standing up for yourself, that takes a great amount of strength and courage, so you are strong and brave for doing that, so compliment yourself and give yourself a pat on the back for that. i would if i was there with you. you did great in that situation, honestly you did. now all you need to do is to embrace these feleings and go with them, treat yourself to new clothes, or a new album, or cook yourself a meal or whatever, whatever you consider pampering. have a nice hot bath with relaxing oils, i know that works. i cannot congratulate you enough, i really cant. you should be so proud of yourself, i am proud of you for sure as i know just how hard it is to do what you did, and to make THEM hang up shows you defeated them, instead of them defeating you. so you have overcome them and risen taller than them, and that is bound to be exhausting. so relax and stay under your electric blanket and watch a good film and most importantly of all, take care of yourself.

speak soon

simon