I can honestly say this is the worst time in my life. I am 46 married with a daughter. Our marriage has been ok for 20 years we have been the golden couple but I always felt something was missing.
That something missing was filled by my best friend of 30 years, kind compassionate and would instinctively know when something was wrong and just call out of the blue. It was a great friendship.
In April 2012 BF confessed he was in love with me, always had been, never felt good enough, never felt this way about another person. I went there and truly explored my real feelings and before I knew it I was head over heals. We swam in the sea of love it was amazing even though we were 800 kms apart our conversations were deep and affectionate. When we finally met he kissed me like have never been kissed before and I knew then I was ready to walk through the fire to live my life with this wonderful man. Then suddenly in fact over night he changed...the message said he was sorting out his relationships sorting the meaningful from the meaningless and I didn't make the cut. I literally went into shock. I had to confront him I needed answers and his answer was "what did you expect did you expect me to leave my relationship? My home my life?" He had just spent months telling me how he couldn't wait to introduce me to his friends how we will be together in this life, he would call me before and after my long road trips making sure I was safe and well all preparing for our future. It’s been 14 weeks since that awful conversation. I have left my home, my work is on hold my friends are really confused about my behavior I have to keep his secret and protect him and yet I'm devastated with nowhere to go with my grief. I'm in therapy but I feel I'm getting nowhere the antidepressants were useless I am indeed an empty shell. I am trying to get well but the pain is overwhelming and I do do things for others, try and socialize and be kind to myself. I have read all the books including Russ Harris. I pray really hard that the pain will go away but I feel like God has deserted me my prayers unanswered.
I don't know where to go or what to do next I am sick with fear.
Light4me