Toes, you have suffered alot of loss and as you say you are still young. Its hard to understand why some suffer this loneliness and emptiness. Why some are abused. You see people all around that have good lives and luck. In trying to understand the unhappiness I have endured I came to the conclusion everything is as it is meant to be, destiny, whatever. To help me cope personally I accept that I am on a journey. There are small incidents along the way, little rays to help me get along. If you have any beliefs its a good idea to lean on them. I do understand. I never forget the things that hurt me but I carry on because the ones I lost cant and events that can damage (I too was abused)- I wont hinge my life on them, and make them important, those men are now deceased and they arent important enough to be in my mind. You must learn to be resourceful and find ways within you to cope through your bad days.