I am sorry if this sounds blunt, but what are you taking antidepressants for? It sounds like you have had a really really rough time but clearly were true to yourself and to your feelings. It is very sad that he changed overnight, and any person in your shoes would be heartbroken and sick with fear, but you do not have a disorder and there is no case for antidepressants. Therapy, grieving, books, journaling, posting (you write poignantly and wonderfully), but not antidepressants. Also, although I am an atheist, but just thinking reasonably, it does not seem to be the case that you should pray at all to have the pain go away, because the pain is your feelings and your feelings are the essence of your life, so it is sort of quasi-suicidal to try to pray the pain away. Other than by feeling the pain through the end, there really is no other tried and true way to deal with the pain. So I think that whatever time and energy and effort that goes into praying hard are all wasted, and should instead be directed towards dealing with your work. You wrote that you work is on hold. That sounds precarious. What are the details and can you hold on to the work instead of putting it on hold? It would be good for both financial security and for anchoring you to something stable in your life, because this guy created this horrible uncertainty for you, so you should look for its polar opposite to counterbalance what the guy did to you - you should look for something stable. It seems that work is that thing, and it seems that most of your conscious effort, when you are not feeling the feelings, should go towards trying to stabilize the work situation.