I can understand how you feel. I too am 23 and my mom was murdered at the age of only 46. She died just a few days before this past Christmas. I thought I was doing 'ok' but as these days go on, I find myself getting more and more depressed. I wasn't there with he when she was killed, but I often imagine how it was for her to be there all alone, lying on the cold snowy ground. I don't think it ever gets easier, ya know? I think that you just try to remember all those wonderful memories. Even the little ones can make you smile.