You need to get help NOW. This isn't very good for you. A professional will know exactly what you are talking about and will be able to guide you in the right direction to be helped.
Please do not hesitate. If necessary call one of the helplines in your community or the numbers listed at the top of this forum re: Depression Resouces.
Tell your family what is happening. They really need to know.
Let us know how you are doing OK?