(((Sky))) Yes, I think that it is good that he told me about his vacation too. He said it was looking like April, but that due to the nature of delivery he wouldn't know for sure... I guess it was the perfect opportunity for him to tell me. When I was feeling bad about telling him I might be going away for a couple months. Because... I was reluctant to go. I wanted to stay here and keep seeing him. But then I am ambivalent too, I guess. Because it is a good opportunity for me academically. He was saying that if I were to go around then... It could work out well for the both of us, I guess. Knowing my luck I'll just arrive back and then he will be off. Hrm.

I'm not sure how I feel about it... I guess I would have preferred not to know his marital status and preferred not to know whether he had a kid or not. Of course I don't know whether he has other kids or not... But it has got me wondering about his private like a bit and I'd really rather not. I guess it is hard for internal kid too... Gets her feeling upset about my Dad fairly much ignoring me and then leaving... And due to the nature of transference... Kind of like that happening all over again... Some kinda sibling rivalry or something... Ugh. Ugh.. UGH.

I won't refuse the phone sessions. I'd actually rather... Really really rather... Have an online chat session. I don't know if he would be up for that. Don't know where we could chat securely either... Or email even. Email would be cool. I could start talking to him either of those two ways... Perhaps perhaps. Dunno...

I don't think I want to do a journal. Internet boards are my journal! lol. I find it really helpful to get other peoples feedback... Helps keep me out of those head cirles to get a bit of objectivity. Helps me feel less alone and less disgusting to know that other people are reading along and that they (don't seem to be) repulsed by me... I think he wants me to do the journal in an attempt to get communication with the alters. Nuh uh, I'm so NOT going to do that. Not for a long while yet. My trust is fragile... I need to be confident that he is there for ME and that we are getting along okay before I can trust him with them... Internal kid especially... Because she is so dependent and needy... I need to make sure it is safe for her... Otherwise protectors will start up and they frighten the hell out of me... It is hard because she really really likes him and really really wants to meet him. She kinda has this indiscriminate attachment though. Important to check safety first.

I could do a little bit of mapping though... How many. What their names are. He has already promised to not try and summon them...

In a way... I just want to put all this on the backburner... Get him working with ME. If he does that... This will all emerge in time... Or not... As the case may be. But if you seek them... No. I'm very resistent to that. Very concerned about getting too much worse... I'd rather work on me. Work on enlarging me. Work on me saying all those things that I delegate out. I'd so very much rather do that than the usual. We will see, I guess...