In response to the OP, can you pinpoint more precisely what's making you feel ashamed? A lot of porn is consensual i.e. these people are deciding to get paid for a job they want to do. It's a sad reality that unfortunately the industry does also have a sinister side - even things like 'amateur' porn can have questionable origins. There ARE however websites devoted to the beauty and exploration of sex - videos where people explain why they have become involved with the site and what it means for them to be creating what they consider 'art.' Those types of videos tend to be less gratuitous and are beautifully shot whilst still being erotic. Try not to be ashamed of either your urges or what helps you in reaching fulfillment. There is no reason why your parents or friends need to know - this is something personal to you and there need be no guilt in keeping something important like that to yourself. I hope you feel better soon.