Quote:
Originally Posted by jadedbutterfly
I am seriously not attracted to anyone sexually anymore. I don't want sex anymore. When I was younger, picking out a complete stranger and having sex was all about control... whether it was a man or woman. I know it was a coping skill, trying to reclaim my body... I choose, you know?
Then it became a way to actually hurt myself. I would just lay there, trying to numb out what was actually being done to my body... felt like I was raping myself, if that makes any sense?
Had single encounter 4 yrs ago.. that lasted all about 2 mins  and that was a mistake, making somebody else "happy".
So does this mean I am considered asexual at this point in my life? |
I do not think that you were ever sexual. You were using sex as means of control, a coping skill, to numb yourself out, etc. It does not seem that you have ever had a genuine sexual experience that was a thing onto itself. Also, it does not seem that you have had close relationships.
All of that calls for therapy. It does not seem to call for questioning orientation, because you do not seem to be fully developed yet. There is nothing wrong per se in using sex the way you used to as long as your partners consented, so it is not that you did anything wrong. It is just that you have not tried to be sexual in more peaceful ways (peaceful to yourself, too).
I hope you find a good clinician for this.