Just the fact that you are anxious and hoping that this time will be different is enough to know that you have not given up on yourself yet.

I just quit a fabulous once in a lifetime opportunity because of my recent relapse. Sometimes I wonder why why why can't I just be like other people and truly believe I deserve good things. Thing is, even if good things happen to me, I screw it up anyways with my negativity and self loathing.

Hang in there and I hope things work out for you.