Hi folks,

I started therapy a few months ago and recently T and I realized I have this very bad habit. My initial 'diagnosis' was PTSD (but not with the anxiety and stuff) and Alexithymia. I just barely ever feel something and find it very hard to know what I feel. I don't get excited much, nor do I get sad or angry.

Anyhow, the bad habit - that really is super obvious now that T pointed it out is that I just 'fog my mind'. Like, a gazillion times a day when I think about something I should do for myself or when I talk about myself or anything to do with the 'core me'. I just get tired, am convinced I need to sleep or rest and just numb my mind with endless watching TV or other mindless entertainment. It's caused me a lot of frustration because there are a lot of things I wanna do in life, but I am so stuck in this habit. It's crazy how you can do something like that to yourself without knowing it though. Viewing myself as intelligent and self aware and then only now realizing I do this. It's awesome that I figured out I do this now though I guess. It alleviates some of the frustration over being so stuck.

Today in session T paid attention to when I did it and tried to snap me out of it, and I noticed I got really anxious. It's the first time I'm ever even trying to get out of it since I only realized I do it recently and im 28 lol. The anxiety was scary cus I am mostly so numb I don't get anxious like that so quickly.

So, I don't feel like there's different versions of me, though I guess there's the one where I am crystal clear and functioning on a super high lever with work and social contact and then there's the me that sits around doing nothing and not caring much about anything. But I never felt like they were two different me's. So.. is this something like dissociative behavior or not? I guess I should have asked T. She only said it's a 'common psychological thing' that people who had a bad childhood like me sometimes get into the habit of doing.

Sorry for the long ramble. Just looking for answers!

Edit: Oh, I also just have very bad memory. People always tell me I said something when I don't remember. But I never understood that, just decided to blame it on my lack of care for such trivialities. But to be fair, it's a LOT of stuff I don't really remember. Guess I am in the fog a lot.