It has taken me some time to write about my experience speaking with my mother (on the phone) the other day and how deeply it affected me.

My T was right. She really does have a lot of power over me. I think it is because she is so delusional and manipulative and so faux. It really hurts.

We were speaking with each other very politely and pretending nothing was wrong (which is fine with her, but not ok for me). It was oddly strange and so sad. I also felt a little sorry for her when we hung up.

But I've had bad dreams ever since

It really agitated me. And I don't know how to get rid of this horrible feeling of sickness ... except for identify each specific feeling, feel it, and then (hopefully) recover/move on from it.

They are not good at all. They all hurt and are sad.

I guess I learned my lesson that I am not able to speak with her again unless something drastic happens with my coping skills and DBT.