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Ermm... well like for a while now I feel like I've been lying to everyone about my progress and stuff telling them all that I'm doing well and eating and I haven't been purging, but then it's like... ugh. I need to tell them the truth but it just... it REALLY isn't that easy and like... I feel like if I just start fixing the problem myself then there's nothing really to be told but that's almost as hard as telling them. I have an appointment with my dietitian and normal doctor in like... four hours actually and I just KNOW they're gonna be like OMG You've lost weight! Have you been eating? Purging? Then they're gonna look at my throat and it's gonna be all red and stuff and they'll ask my mum to step out of the room and be like Okay, just tell me the truth. Have you been purging? And I'll be like No! I swear! Seriously, I haven't! or I could be like Okay... yeah I did it a couple times and I really didn't eat that much (we just got back from vacation and eating out ALL THE TIME didn't work well for me) but I can't do that because it's letting everyone down and I just can't do that plus I mean... I've been lying this whole time about getting better and of course my therapist that worked with me on my ED just HAD to move to Poland and she was the only t that I've EVER trusted. I just kind of despise myself right now because I ALWAYS dig myself into these situations and like... then I never fix them and like. ugh. Help? I seriously need advice I feel so lost.
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Soon madness has worn you down. It’s easier to do what it says than argue. In this way, it takes over your mind. You no longer know where it ends and you begin. You believe anything it says. You do what it tells you, no matter how extreme or absurd. If it says you’re worthless, you agree. You plead for it to stop. You promise to behave. You are on your knees before it, and it laughs...
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