Thanks everyone for your support. I am really tired of feeling the way that I do. I cannot go through this again next year. It is a struggle to get through every day. I have to literally talk myself out of putting an end to it sometimes. I had to tell this to my BF, not so that he'll feel guilty or pity me but he needs to know what I deal with. I tried to express what I am going through to some of my friends and family but they just have no clue. Some of them just don't even respond to me, like "maybe if I don't say anything she'll start talking and acting normal". Then Oprah has that show on about, "the truth about depression, father kills daughters. Talk about making things worse for anyone suffering with this disease. Now people are afraid that we are dangerous too. I know I am going to stop even talking about it with anyone. I'm sorry I ever confided in people in the first place. They will never look at me the same again or be able to have the same relationship with me again. I admit I played a part in people turning away from me but why can't they see that I'm in pain and that is why I avoid them. Why can't they just continue to try to get through to me. Just keep contacting me to let me know you won't give up on me. NO, people just figure, I'll leave her alone, I'll give her space. Someone did say that to me recently. If you don't know how to act or what to say why can't you find out. There are books, websites all kinds of info on depression. Why can't people that claim to care about you take the time and energy to learn about your illness and how to deal with you? Because they don't feel they should have to. I think most people feel that we are needy and dramatic. People have said to me that they are depressed too, who isn't depressed, I have been told. That's helpful. I'm sorry, I am just angry and hurt and I feel abandoned by people. I feel like people don't care. On another note, I am going to be seeing a psychiatrist hopefully this week and I am hoping he will prescribe an antidepressant. I'm hesitant about it but I know I need to be on something. Does anyone have any suggestions for a good antidepressant that works and doesn't have unpleasant side effects? I am really worried about if I ever have to stop taking them for some reason I will have withdrawal symptoms. But if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. Thank you all.

Bree Marie.