Yesterday I managed to go on a bike ride (my first of the year). I didn't want to go, but I thought I should do something on the holiday. I took a break at a little beach park, which was packed because of the Fourth. When I saw the crowd, I immediately had a public panic attack, with tears and everything. I had so much negative self-talk--about how other people can go outside without feeling like their nerves are exploding and I can't, how they're better/probably more successful than me, how they can enjoy themselves and I can't. And my thoughts spiraled downward from there.

Today I'm still exhausted from that episode. I just never want to go outside again.