Thanks for the hug Biplol I'm trying to think of how better to describe where I am right now. I don't know that it's 'nothing' that I feel. It's more like if I'm not sad and beating myself up all the time, I don't know *what* to feel or what is there to me besides all the dark stuff. You know? There's still feelings there, just all the old ones. It's like my head doesn't know what to do if the old thoughts are weaker or gone. I've heard people talk about not feeling anything while on meds and I was worried about that too. But I don't think that's exactly what I'm trying to get at. I hope this makes a little more sense.

I should have done something about this years ago. She diagnosed dysthymia and an adjustment disorder. The pdoc said dystymia with a major depression. I agree with both of those actually. I really don't know what to do with myself at this point, feeling anything but crappy is just strange right now and that's kind of sad. But it is nice to see through the clouds even for a little bit these days.