Not sure what could cause this issue. Possible sex addiction. Sex does feel nice and it could be a way feel good. You could also be engaging in self sabotaging acts.

My wife had a couple of online affairs and that is what she was doing to herself. Maybe it was to boost her self esteem, or maybe she feels like she isn't worthy or being with me and she tried to ruin it. I don't know but from my end it doesn't matter. The first time I caught her having phone sex and the second time was a naked picture. I almost left her, so I can't imagine what you husband is going through with what you are doing.

My recommendation is to learn impulse control. I have depression and I often get suicidal ideation. It is one thing to have thoughts, but I know I can't give in to those thoughts and urges. Your situation is different in that your problem only causes issues to your marriage and not you well being (std's or dangers of meeting strange men aside). I would find a way to curb these urges before your marriage is ruined.

When my wife did what she did, there wasn't much thought about the consequences. She is also unable to suppornt herself if we seperated. She hasnet worked in over 2 years, despite her outstanding student loan debt and me urging her to find work. She still did what she did despite that it could have led her to being much worse off.