FIRST = I know I'm whining and complaining about something here that many would probably say is just a normal day-to-day experience. It isn't, not for me.

Okay so this could go here or it could go in Relationships but since it's mostly about me being miserable I guess it will go here instead.

Met a nice guy on the bus. (Last night, hence my crummy mood then)

He willingly initiated conversation with me.

He was cute. He was smart.

And he clearly cared about people and wanted a job where he helped people.

I learned so much.

Except his name.

D'oh. (not that that is entirely relevant to anything, but usually it is the first thing I ask from a person who's not strange or odd and appears to be sane and nice)

And my brain started rationalizing why he talked to me after I had to get off the bus.

It said: He was drunk, he was hopped up on drugs, he was insane - he didn't want to talk to me. I'm not a nice person, he talked to me out of pity.

Which then escalated to I'm a bad person, why would he talk to me. I'm never going to find a nice guy. I'm never going to go out on a date. I'm never going to be in a relationship. I'm never going to be happy. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve anything.

See how my thoughts can get out hand? I started out happy, really happy and then it ends up with me being a sobbing mess - in the span of about 20 minutes.

I hate my life. I hate my brain for doing this to me. Why does it have to go and ruin everything?!?! (Okay, I'm blaming my brain when it is in fact my fault for letting me make myself miserable.



PS. And my friends were there too, and thought he knew me and that he was flirting or something. (sigh) Meet all sorts of people in strange circumstances don't you?