The thought of talking to a professional just makes me feel nervous. I think I should, but I don't think I have it in me to actually go.

As for stopping.. It's not that I'm not interested in stopping. I think that everything going on is what's making me want to do it more than usual. I've tried stopping before. I made it a year once without it, but when I slipped.. it was more than just a slip up. Some nights I can't sleep without doing it. If I could find something more helpful, I would be all over it. But like I said, I haven't found it yet. I'm just confused.

Did he? If something triggered me to see things, I have no clue what it is. It could be similar to what you're experiencing, but it's not just out of the corner of my eye.