Quote:
Originally Posted by ultramar
I'm getting the impression that there are those who feel that Scorpiosis is being elitist here in her judgment of others. I don't know if this is the case, but in any case, I think if we're really *honest* with ourselves, we tend to click with like-minded people, and further, I think people with similar education levels (which might also indicate other things in common) tend to gravitate towards each other. It's often on a subconscious level, but let's be real: class divisions in our society are very real. And we all participate in it in one way or another.
Scorpiosis, the only issue I have (and please correct me if I'm wrong, because I may well have misread), is that you seem to equate partying/drinking/recklessness(?) with other characteristics that I don't think necessarily go together. Plenty of people can be like this and not be such jerks. I lived a pretty reckless life for quite some time, but I didn't use and abuse people in the ways you described, etc. Although not the norm, I wouldn't characterize my lifestyle or my behavior as 'bad' (some may disagree). But I never expected anyone to bail me out, the way I saw it, it was my life, and any negative repercussions were on me. I didn't ask for help, either in unhealthy or -very unfortunately- healthy ways either -asking for help has always been extremely difficult for me.
First paragraph aside, I haven't heard Scorpriosis say that the quality of x friendship was poor because of their educational background, I've heard her say these friendships suck for very good reasons, which would be glaringly clear to anyone. I don't get the sense from you, Scorpiosis, that you insist your friends have PhD's. I'm hearing that you're in a small town now, and there's simply less to choose from, which makes perfect sense to me. Part of the issue here, in this context, is 'settling' (for poor friendships, not non-sophisticates); it's always your choice to 'settle' though; you're bound to get burned, but it was your choice to give it a try (I do understand, though, that in the beginning of a friendship, as in any relationship, it can be hard to tell how things will pan out).
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Ultramar, thanks for chiming in. I agree with the majority of what you're saying. I also appreciate you pointing out that that I was not trying to bring educational background into the mix when talking about my friendships. That was never the issue. I was talking about the way I was being treated. In fact, the friend I'm talking about in this post, who treated me poorly, went to a very good University. She has a strong educational background; my best friend, on the other hand, does not and that has in no way impacted our friendship. (Okay, so he calls me when he needs help with proofreading and I call him when I need help putting something together; it's a mutually beneficial relationship). Anyway, I just want to make it clear that I don't think education level has anything to do with one's ability to be a good friend. Do I look for people who have things in common with me, and enjoy similar activities? Yes. Can a similar educational background or profession be one of those things? Yes, but it doesn't have to be. If it were a requirement, then I'd lose my best friend, who moved across the country in order to live close to me.
However I phrased things, I was not intending to say that partying/drinking are necessarily synonymous with the negative behaviors that caused me to end my friendship with this girl (lying, violating my boundaries, constantly asking me to bail her out, etc). There are some who can live that lifestyle and still be good friends. This girl is simply not one of them. Would she still be lying and violating my boundaries if she were sober? I don't know. But I do know that her treatment of me is something I cannot accept. And, for me, it helps to understand that her behavior towards me is probably not personal; her substance abuse is probably impairing her ability to respond to me in a healthy way.