Hi,

I haven't posted to this board in a really long time, but I can relate to what you wrote. Although I've never been the most social individual, I used to enjoy socializing to an extent until the onset of my psychosis six years ago. Since then, engaging in conversations is something that's been extremely difficult for me, especially when I'm trying to converse with people I don't know very well. I think that for me, this might be due to the cognitive impairment that came on at the same time my psychosis emerged. These days, I have a lot of trouble following what other say, and that leaves very little room coming up with anything to say in response to what other say. So, usually when someone says something to me (especially something that's rather lengthy), I just end up sitting there taking in what they have to say and usually end up saying very little in response. Getting into this sort of dynamic isn't something that I enjoy at all, so I also spend most of my time alone and prefer when others keep their distance from me.

To a certain extent, I've always had a tendency toward solitude. I've never had many friends, and I was actually voted the quietest in my high school graduating class. I've only been in one romantic relationship, and I wouldn't say that I'm looking to enter into one any time soon. Engaging in conversations is something that's become much more difficult for me since the onset of my psychosis, but as I said, I think that I've always been less social than most individuals I come across. Sometimes I suspect that I have schizoid personality disorder in addition to my schizoaffective disorder and chronic fatigue and hypersomnia, only that the personality disorder is something that I've had my entire life.

Like you, I'm glad to have the Internet, because it gives me the opportunity to experience some level of human interaction without requiring me to communicate verbally. I've always been better at written communication than I've been at verbal communication, and I like how with writing I can sit back and take as much time as I need before saying what I want to say.

T.