Rap,
Thank you so much for the wonderful reply. You said so many things that I can relate to!

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My current T does not fall into that trap. After the customary hellos, she might just say something like "well...." I have a hard time coming up with what to talk about, so usually she has to stare at me for a while after that.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">--- this sounds very much like me in my sessions! my mind can be so blank Good thing my T. knows me after almost three years-- he can tell just by my demeanor how things are -- and he knows I minimize things too much.

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I guess it would take a bit of self-awareness, and that takes some effort.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> .... oh my gosh!! I think this is a big part of it for me. I don't allow feelings out most of the time--or even that I have them sometimes.... just recently I'm learning to stop pushing those feelings back and to realize they are there and try to express them outwardly-- "taking some effort" is an understatement for me! (hoping maybe it would help stop the dissociating I do so much )

Feeling misunderstood and lonely(because I don't voice how things really are but it comes out sometimes anyway in my demeanor and then people don't know what to think ) and yet I don't want to be lonely or misunderstood-- sort of a mental tug-of-war

Wow-as usual, you've made some great points, I am going to think on them-- thank you for your kind support.

mandy