Granite: HOw long ago were you in these hospitals? I would stay away from those documentaries if they trigger you, and they seem to.

Also I agree with everyone else: you are 1000% entitled to feel like S**t even if your life is going good right now. Your terrible, awful, horrible, no-good, very bad childhood is catching up to you. It may seem impossible to stop feeling the way you do, but keep at it!! I've seen tremendous progress and know you can do it.

One thing I always think about is how you lived through the worst. You survived it the best you could. The worst is over. Now it is re-playing itself in your head, but that is fixable.