Quote:
Originally Posted by Squiggle328
Still working on this in my head. She has gone on vacation, so there will be 10 days between our appointments. I have this obsessive need to drive by her house. I have never done that before. Since I know she is out of town, she won't even know I drove by.
Sounds rather insane! Why do I have this need to 'see' where she lives? I have seen a pic before, but for some reason I have this drawing urge/need to 'see' where she lives! Its not that I feel like I am stalking her. I just want to see it once and for all so that this 'feeling' will go away.
Its kinda like all this anxiety builds up, and then once I 'see' it, it will all go away and I can relax. Where is this need coming from? Why do I need to see where she lives? I wish this nagging feeling would just go away. I wish I could just accept our relationship and stop trying to make it so dang complicated!
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I don't have answers for you, but it does sound more like attachment and an object constancy problem than attraction. I have always needed to find my T's homes (except for the 2 where their home was their office) and drive by them, at least once. Doing it once satisfied me. I don't know why I have that need, but I do. Now my T lives somewhere else, and I don't know where, but I'm better about it and don't feel that gnawing need to see where she lives. I did try to find out online, questioned her, and I wsas wrong! So I know the town, but not the address.
Have you talked about this need with your T? Maybe the two of you can figure out a plan. She let you see the photos on FB so she understands your need. My T showed me some photos on her phone when I asked. Looking on FB and googling her were hurting me, not helping me, so I stopped.
Maybe it boils down to something my T recently told me, which is what my very first T had told me too. She asked me if I can have part of her inside of me, that is, internalize her so I can be okay when she's not around. This is important for me because I will probably terminate therapy by the end of the year or early in 2014. Can you work on holding the picture of her in your mind? Maybe you're not ready to do that yet, but it could be something to practice even if you're not leaving therapy.
I know this is hard stuff you're dealing with. Hang in there, Squiggles.
