Wow! Look at all the support from others who understand your pain. You are not alone.
I do understand. Grief can be so intense. And confusing if you didn't have a good relationship.
Feeling alone in the world is intense, shattering, deep. It's a lot to deal with. It all takes time, which really isn't comforting at all.
You will rebuild. There is hope.
If you are into this kind of thing, pay attention to your dreams.
Hang in there.