Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflying
I'm crying a lot. I'm depressed which is usual. My T wants me to only text when self harm is a struggle. I did today but I'm not sure why. What can he do? I self harmed anyway. I'm alone in the world now. My mom and I had a difficult relationship and talked a few times on the phone before she died. My T seems angry at me all the time and I need him now. Things don't go we'll for me. I wish I could slip away without a trace. I'm depleted, alone, and sad. I don't care about material possessions. This world seems devoid of what I need; family, friends, support, love...I don't know what to do.
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You just described my situation and feelings two years ago when my Mom passed, my Dad passed four months before her.
At the time, I felt like an orphan, and people seemed to have their backs turned from me. I still feel like an orphan, but time has softened the sharp edges a little. Even my only sister and partner were mad at me at the time. You see, I was very, very, angry at first because I could not accept my situation. I also self harmed with food (gained 20 pounds in 1 year, and I was already overweight) and other things. Even scratching my arms and scalp until they got sore and bled, I always had a tube of Neosporin (pain numbing kind) of course, it's not as bad now, but a tough habit to break. I hope you know that you're never really alone. When things seemed as bad as they could get, I felt like my parents were holding me up, and were by my side. You will get through this. Be good to yourself, I'm sure you're Mom would want you to be ok. Let me know how you are doing ok? Liz