A T once asked me "do you want to change?" and that seemingly innocuous question had such an impact. My answer was of course i want to change- cos that's the right answer in therapy isn't it? But when i got home that question really bothered me. I realised i "wanted" to want to change but i was terrified of doing so. I felt so attached to my own pain that i was who i was and if it was taken away then what was left? I felt like i'd miss that part of me, that sadness and grief and anger that i carried around like a 10 ton boulder. So i had to think about how to replace what i was losing. I've found that as i focus less on changing the bad stuff and more on just doing things that make me happy, things that are good for me, try to be around good people, plus therapy that all those things are naturally replacing some of the bad stuff without it feeling like a massive loss. The massive weight is receding little by little and i'm barely noticing.
There are still days i think, " but what will i be like without the boulder i carry around?" and i feel loss. Seems strange to feel loss for something that in making me so miserable but it's been a constant and predictable friend/enemy all my life and the unknown is scary. But not as scary as getting to my deathbed and still having this boulder of grief lie heavily on my chest. So i keep going, little by little.

So maybe you are on the journey to intention right now, you have intentions to feel better but fear is stopping you. It's ok to be where you are.