I guess I'm just scared. I really am. As the time comes closer to having this baby and I think about everything I have been through with this new little person I'm just scared that there will be complications. For the past several weeks all I have been feeling is anxiety and just wanting peace. I just want to be able to have my husband and my parents support.
I have never treated anyone this way before. I feel guilty. My mother has a lot of control over me. I know this has to stop. My husband says that he has never stopped me from seeing her or speaking to her but he absolutely refuses to have anything to do with her. I mean for heavens sake it was just an argument. Yes it was ugly but can't they both act like grown ups and move on? I'm not even saying that things will be better if we went over to her and talked but at least I know I hav tried.
I feel so weak to make the attempt by myself. I just wanted his support. I have a lot of issues because I still have pain that my mother doesn't care enough to make an effort on her own for me. It's always me. I just thought I could be the bigger person and talk things out. I don't know how that will go because that has never happened between any of us in my family.
This s not how I thought my life was going to end up. I have so much pain, resentment , and fear inside.
I know I need someone to talk to, but I can't do it now. I pray I make it through with this baby and get better and hopefully then can find someone to go to.
My heart hurts it really does. I be know what people mean when they say they feel like they have a broken heart. I just really feel alone.