I have the worst nightmares I've heard anyone describe and in different ways than most people present with nightmares. I have nightmares every night, no matter what. There's always something horrible happening to me (rape, mauling, combat, murder, torture, the list wouldn't end). My dreams are as if I'm watching the scene and experiencing it through my body at the same time, a very odd concept. It's as if you plucked these out of a movie because while everything is in high-def and realistic, the scope of the universe in the dream is limited to the camera's shot. Like say I'm being raped in a van, the van and what's going on inside are all very life-like, but nothing else exists because the scenario does' leave the van. I'm not sure if I'm doing a good job explaining things, but hopefully you get the point. If my awake life weren't so monotonous and my asleep life were a bit more predictable, I'm not sure I'd be able to tell the difference between waking and dreaming. THAT's the extent of realness in my dreams, making going through these nightmares a completely horrible experience.

It's also not just 'tonight in my dream I got murdered!,' it's very specific the scenarios change every night and display large degrees of variety. I've never had the same dream twice, always a new horrible experience awaiting me at bedtime. I developed huge reservations against sleeping (as you can imagine) and now find it impossible to go to sleep on my own. I'm prescribed Ambien for my sleep anxiety, but when I take it I get trapped in my dreams and can't wake up. When I don't take it, I don't sleep at all, not a wink. I then eventually crash either during the following day or after multiple days of sleep deprivation, causing me to again be stuck with less than pleasant dreams and frequent awakenings. So every night I have to choose between getting a good night's sleep for my body and being tortured in my mind or having less than restful sleep (often no sleep at all) and avoiding my nightmares at least for the meantime.

I believe my question would consist along the lines of: "help."