Quote:
Originally Posted by failureatlife
 Wow, I feel and understand your pain. I have had mother issues all my life with somewhat similar father responses. I have a different prospective for you though as I now have daughter issues also. Oddly enough it is the issues with my daughter that prompts my reply. I want to encourage you to go alone and try to regain what you had between you and your mother. We want nothing to do with our daughter's husband, he is dishonest, disrespectful, and ungrateful as is she because he has complete control of her. It hurts my heart so much to see her behave as if she doesn't have a mind of her own. Yes, they are both very young and very immature. She will not see or speak to us if he cannot be with her. As with all of us it is a long and complicated story but what I want to express to you is how desperately I wish my daughter at least wanted a relationship with us and was strong enough to do that on her own. The relationship you had with your mother certainly could use improvement which, of course, will never happen if you're not speaking, but if you have the courage and strength to go to her, hopefully you could start down that path to a better understanding of each other. It without a doubt will take a considerable amount of time but if you got back together with her, it would open the door for your children to see her again and, if you just let them stew about it each on their own, one day maybe she and your husband will at least be able to be civil to each other again. I would hope that if your husband truly wants you to be happy he would have no problem with you and your children having a relationship with you parents. For your part don't force him into it or give a blow by blow of every visit. The same with your mother, she needs to let you have your family and does not need to hear reports on every move your husband makes. I don't know, I just thought I might give you another view of the situation. I wish you the best and keep taking care of yourself and your baby physically. Good luck.  |
Thank you, I appreciate your advice and I'm sorry that you are dealing with these types of issues. I sincerely am. I know what it's like to feel trapped and controlled and the one thing I always wanted is support from my family. Not a lecture of how can I allow someone to take my identity away, just someone there to say I love you and it's going to be ok. I think if I had that I wouldn't have been so damn stubborn to not see clearly what was going on. This was when I was very young. I just thought it was my mom not letting me have what I thought at the time was happiness. Good grief if I could go back in time. Funny thing is, for me once things became easier I started to see the big picture and I ultimately moved on and it felt good regaining my independence. It is hard because my family does not know how to communicate, I am slowly learning how to now. It sounds ridiculous but in my family especially when I was little if my mom stopped talking to her sisters and mother for whatever stupid reason, when they finally got back together years later they acted like everything was fine. They never talked about why they stopped talking to begin with, I never understood that. But I learned that way of behavior. I feel it just brings so much resentment and built up anger about unresolved things. Not healthy. The thing is I know if my mom came to me I would break down and cry and just hug her. I would want to crawl on the couch with her and lay on her and just not say a word. It's really sad isn't it. At my age all I want is my mother. All the hurt and pain I have from the past I would forget just so I could be that child again. Oh god, I'm just a mess of emotions.
I am too weak. I have always been. She knows this too. How could she leave me when I need her? I mean she knows how sick I have been, and its like she doesn't care. My dad, who has been decent doesn't even call. I have to go to him. It's always been that way though. I just would like some peace. I feel this baby deserves it too.