Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
Glad the metaphor was good; I never did enough of the scale playing, just "wished" to play 
If you think hard about it, there might be a spot though where you are afraid you are not good enough, a place where you know you can't become as good as your favorite music player; there's a place out there you're afraid is beyond your abilities? It depends on if you want to be a great piano player or not, my stepson and I were talking about what we loved yesterday and studying and he was talking about an "edge" and how when he was studying engineering at college he realized he had been at his edge which is why he dropped out, didn't do the work but he didn't get to his edge in legal studies.
I think you are afraid of where your edge is personally, but as far as self-development goes, we don't got one of those, just "intellectually". However, when you get to studying the really hard stuff, personal or not, it's scary.
I think everyone can go through the motions, can do what the "teacher" wants, get the good grades by doing what they're told, being good, etc. but then you get to a place where you realize that's not what learning is about, the grades don't matter, what the other person, the teacher thinks doesn't matter, it's about what you can truly Learn. Everyone takes the piano lessons and many do the scales and get "better" but few are great because they don't "get it" what music really is (or, in the case of personal psychology, don't want it)? |
Well, for what it's worth, I'm not a pianist. I tired to be but it wasn't for me. I'm a trumpet player. For some reason, I'm not terribly concerned about my musical edge. I'm more concerned with my ability to realize my full potential. Even the absolute best trumpet players were at one time just as good as I am today. If they can do it, why can't I? The great musicians of tomorrow are walking this earth right now as I write this and they share the same thoughts and fears with me about maybe not being good enough or ending up on the streets starving. Maybe I'm just arrogant or I've been bolstered up by professional trumpet players and conductors, but who really knows if I will end up being one of them or not?
I guess the fundamental difference between improving in therapy and improving musically are a few things actually. Improving musically is a concrete idea to me. How do you get better? You practice what you aren't good at and implement good practice habits. I've seen TONS of people improve this way, I've seen myself improve, I've heard personal testimony first hand from some of the best trumpet players in the country including the ones currently holding the jobs I want. Therapy? I don't know. There is some serious debate whether therapy actually works and I don't know where my T is emotionally or where she's been and how she's made it from point A to point B.
I guess the main thing for me is that I practice scales to make it possible for me to play music. When you understand why the notes need to be played, that's a lot of incentive to sit in a practice room and learn how to play them. I have a crystal clear image in my head of what I want the music to sound like. It really frustrates me when the music in my head sounds better than in the real world, but it doesn't scare me because I know what I what the end result should be. I know what it feels like to be musically successful. I don't know what the end product of therapy will be. I know what I think I hope it will do, but I have no idea if I'm fixable or what it will feel like if I am fixed. At least with music. I have a good idea of what my full potential should be.