I feel for you Butterflying... I lost my dad 8 months ago and I'm still incredibly messed up. He was so young...

Let yourself mourn, but try not to self-harm(at least not too much). Your self-harm is masking all the emotions you need to express so that you can finally accept her loss.

I hope you feel better soon. I'm sure your mom would want to see you overcome this and be happy.

*huge virtual hug for you*