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Jul 07, 2013, 07:08 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2012
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 292
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster
The last post was so thoroughly... looking for a fitting adjective here... well, "amazingly insightful"... that I am leaning towards recommending that you at least postpone the divorce for now.
Because - see you are saying that he is more likely to die if you divorce him now, so it makes sense to postpone.
Also... your mum will eventually die. I am sorry to say that and I am sorry if it hurts you, but humans are mortal.
Since one of the things that anchors you to this guy is your mum's situation, if and when she dies, you will reconsider the divorce/no divorce options THEN.
Just reminding you of the harsh reality of humans' mortality.
On being gaslighted - I salute you for that level of awareness. I was gaslighted for years, by my second husband when he was my husband, and then by him for a few more years when he was my ex husband (his choice) but still continued to control and gaslight me. And, my friends told me that he was gaslighting me (actually urging me to watch that movie), but I did not believe them.
Ultimately, I did realize that he was gaslighting me, and regained my confidence, sense of humor, logical mind, sanity, and all the rest of that. But I was not living with him at that point.
To the extent that you are being gaslighted and have enough insight to realize that you are being gaslighted, you are a super human.
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Your advice is really sound and sensible and you are absolutely right about my mother's mortality. I know that is on the cards and when that happens it will change the playing field completely. One of my biggest considerations is her well being and I don't believe it would be fair of me to disrupt these last years of her life. I know she would find the experience very traumatic. That said, I think you have answered my question for me - stay put for now and re-evaluate later. In fact another 5 years would make a world of difference with the kids as well since they would be 20 and 24 by then. With regard to my awareness about gaslighting and every other narcissistic technique - that has come from reading and acquiring knowledge and relating to everything 100%. I am also writing a book about my story as a form of therapy. That process has provided me with the ability to not only consolidate my experiences and process them in a logical manner but to also view everything from a very objective perspective. Thanks again x
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