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I think it's possible you've misinterpreted these therapists' intentions when commenting on the victim role. In the sense that I highly doubt a therapist would accuse you of being in the victim role (with the negative connotation this can carry) *when/as a child.* That's completely different from observing that as an adult/now you are taking on the victim role -I suspect this is what they were referring to.
In this respect, I would think they would not wish you to edit what you say (you mention doing this) as far as describing abuse as a child, but instead wish you to see your identity as an adult in a different way; perhaps it's a question more of behavior than words, your interpretation of situations in the present, rather than the past.
I would talk to your current therapist about what she means by a victim role and co-dependency as an adult. These can mean a lot of different things to different people, so it would apply to you personally in specific ways. Maybe you'll end up disagreeing with her, but either way I think you could gain a lot from such a conversation.
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