Why can't they just shut up???????? I beg them and plead, I pretend everything is ok. Its not their fault. I get so upset, I feel my face heat up, my heart race. I can't hardly control it. I find something, anything to calm down but, it only lasts for so long. They start whining and crying and I keep trying to control myself. They whine and cry right now as I try to type this message. I am trying so hard, so hard, so hard, so hard. All 3 at one time. I afeel like I am losing my mind. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please.

and of course, its all my fault, always my fault, everything my fault, has always been, will always be.

i calm down, no yelling this time. its a miracle, they are not talking now.

my 3 beautiful children, I love them so much. its not their fault. i made it through this time with out yelling.

and now they start again. i have no will power to even try to figure out why they are so upset, i know its about the tv. it has to get better...hanging on till i make that phone call and maybe get some help.