So I am extremely messy and I do find it hard to pick up after myself. Right now, nobody cares, because I do not let people who do care about such stuff and criticize me into my life any more. Ex H...

... used to say that I abused our daughters and harmed them for life by not teaching them to pick up clothes strewn on the floor in their bedrooms... and by setting a bad example...

... to some extent, he is right in that I did harm them for life - I did not teach them a valuable skill, just as my mother who was messy did not teach me a valuable skill, so I agree with him...

...at the same time, I disagree that I abused them by doing this - I mean, I breastfed those girls for years on end, washed their cloth diapers myself, took them to the local public library almost daily, and... you get the point - I was NOT your typical abusive mother, if such a stereotype exists.

But what I am saying is that yes, it IS difficult to pick up after yourself if you are not in the habit of picking up after yourself. It IS objectively difficult. What seems automatic to you is difficult for him. It could be that you are picking up after yourself on auto-pilot, whereas for him, it is work. Hence you are not seeing eye to eye.

TBA - I am posting in bits, just to make sure you know you are not alone at night in the UK, but somebody is listening in California.