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a part of me feels like if I'm not negatively affected every day by what my abusers did to me, then everything that happened is both okay and wholly unimportant.
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You feel like you have to be hurt anew every day in order to continue to believe that the abuse was not okay.
Hurt anew. I wonder if you could say more about that.
I ask because another way to look at it is that the original suffering resonates devastatingly through the years as it is.