Perfectly normal for you to be feeling the way that you are. These are such early days and I would imagine that you need to give yourself time to grieve the loss just as if it were a death. You are bound to go through the highs and lows of it all and there will be a lot of feelings to confront - loneliness, regret, self doubt, sadness, relief, betrayal etc and the list goes on. Accept each for what they are and ride the feelings like a wave, knowing that they will come and pass with the passage of time. You have a wonderfully supportive community here on PC so take full advantage of it. Stop speculating about the future and try and stay focused on the here and now since such speculations will only give rise to a lot of unnecessary emotions at this stage. Focus on YOU and your well being and take each day slowly as it comes. I thought my H was the love of my life as well and never expected him to treat me in an abusive way. Although I am still together with him I wish I had the courage and ability to leave the relationship. From that perspective you should be celebrating the fact that you are finally free to be who you really are. Just remember - no contact is the best way to handle it because every time there is contact it will just derail you. Remember, a narcissist can never be in the wrong or have done anything wrong, so he will be trying his hardest to undermine the little confidence you have. Best of luck.