My mom was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer stage 4 a month ago. She died yesterday. It's a rare aggressive cancer that can go to that stage in 3 weeks if it wanted to. When it was diagnosed, her spine was already starting to crack. From life to death in one month.

The thing is, I'm mad and sad and I don't know how to feel. Yes, she is my mother. She hurt me for so long though, it's hard to actually feel sad that SHE'S gone but I do have sadness for a loss of life.

Also, I'm distant from my family. No one tried to help me. Everyone saw the abuse, literally witnessed it with their own eyes and did nothing. So, I'm distant, doesn't mean I don't care. But no one seems to notice, I'm grieving too. Everyone is sending condolences to my sister, who's 14, and my step dad. I know that sounds selfish but growing up how I did, can you blame me?

That's something else. My step dad tried sexual abuse on me. It didn't get to far. My mom never noticed or just didn't care. He's already using inclusive language and from knowing him, he's going to take my sister and I'm never going to see her again. Just the way he's talking.

I'm not very well off right now.