i am supposed to regularly see a psychiatrist but I rarely see him cos he keeps cancelling or moving my appointment. even when I do see him, I only see him for ten mins, so don't have time to discuss things in enough detail, but he doesn't seem to take me seriously. he gave me lamotrigine mood stabiliser but it gave me memory loss and suicidal thoughts. I chose to come off it, and now the constant thoughts of stabbing myself and hanging myself have gone down, but I still feel like ive had enough of life and would rather be dead. I cant see any point to life. even when I told him, my pdoc didn't seem that interested, and just said I am bored and need some voluntary work, but I feel worse cos I keep applying and nobody replies. I just feel tired of life, and as tho its pointless. also I cannot cry. I have no emotions right now. I feel empty. I want to cry and smile but often I just cant. he seems like a sweet friendly guy, and he seems to know what drugs to give people, but I don't wana take hundreds of drugs. not sure what to do

btw I have bipolar and anxiety / panic attacks