I'm having a big foot surgery this week. It's been brought forward so it's been tough getting used to the idea, plus I have a few difficult things going on right now and have been quite emotional. It makes sense to do the surgery now as my DH is not working so will be home to take care of me. I will be in a wheelchair for 2 weeks and a cast for six.

Anyway, at my last session I told my T and cried so much I scared myself, and she was very supportive. (I was worried she wouldnt be as she already told me she had 'strong reservations' about my doing something else as she thinks i am not very strong just now.) I am seeing her again tomorrow. I am a bit calmer now but know that i am going to struggle not seeing my T while I am recovering from surgery. (I have a couple of telephone appts set up then she goes on holiday, so I won't actually see her again until mid-August.)

I kind of want to bring this up with her but don't know if I can. I've been through several surgeries with her and she's always been there for me, in a strictly within boundaries kind of way. I really want her to be thinking of me, and maybe to call me the day after to see how it went. But I am scared to ask her in case she says no, because then I will feel even worse.

I am worried anyway that I will sink into depression after surgery as it has happened before, though I intend to really try to stay positive. The other thing that is tough about this surgery is that my old foot doctor (who I had a close relationship with as I had been her patient for a long time) is very ill with cancer. She did my last two surgeries and I can't stop thinking about her, it is all muddled together. I just have a lot of hard things going on at the moment and am generally quite emotional. I feel I could use some extra support from my T, but I want her to see that and offer it...

Sorry about writing so much, it is all linked up in my head and I can't separate it!