The last time I had these thoughts and wasn't able to fight them was a year ago. I remember a couple of times since when sui thoughts/ideas came over my mind and I was able to "talk" myself out of it and think rationally. I don't have any plans right now because I haven't been able to come up with a "good" plans (google hasn't helped much) or get over the idea of hurting my family. My suicide attempts in the past have been impulsive, such as one night thinking lets take these pills and I should die; I hadn't been planning it, just thinking about it for a few hours. The impulsivity of those is what worries me and the fact I haven't been able to get rid of these for a few days. I also can't figure out why they came up. The most of the other times there was something I could clearly see. I've never had a special appointment with t before because of sui thoughts/attempts. T is also on vacation, so I'd just talk to whoever is available at the office. I don't have a plan because I don't have anything that would work- no guns, only otc meds, etc., and knives would be too messy. If I knew of a quick simple way I would probably do it, though I really don't want to and have no idea why I want to do sui. I think I might have figured out a way for tomorrow, but there is still a piece of me that doesn't even know why I want to do it so I'm not completely sure yet. I'm just not sure if since I'm not committed to sui/a plan/an idea if I should talk to which ever t is available or if I should wait.