I hadn't slept in 26 hours. I finally got to sleep by 2:30am, but I woke up two hours later from a horrible dream. As an adult I don't usually remember my nightmares, but they happened on a daily basis as a child and frequently as a teenager. If I do have nightmares I will only remember that they were terrifying, and I will have sleep paralysis with hallucinations of residual dream imagery.

Anyway, in this one I was with a man in a wheelchair. We were in his backyard at night, and we were about to celebrate something. It was a little strange. His daughter was there. She was very nice. He was paralyzed aside from his arms, and he couldn't feel anything. When I touched him I felt pins and needles beginning from my hand up to the rest of my arm. He said he could only feel in his left leg, and I was so sad I rested my head there.

There was an intruder who came in through the fence. Somehow we all ended up on the back porch by then. I realized that the other girl wasn't there anymore, because I had become her. I was actually his daughter. The intruder shot me square in the chest, which is more pain than I've ever felt in waking life (this seems to be the case when I am shot or stabbed in dreams). It felt like my chest had been set on fire. At the same time it was like drowning. I slowly could no longer breathe, and I felt myself fading away. I woke up right before I reached the point of "death".

The first thought I had upon waking was, "I am so hurt." This wasn't in reference to physical pain in the dream though. I mean emotionally in my life. It is confusing and I don't know where that came from. It's not something I've ever said or thought before. It's like how I've only started feeling "empty" this past year. I never even knew what that felt like until now.

I have therapy in 6.5 hours...I suppose I'll just stall until then.