I am currently grieving a friend who terminated our friendship, and I've had guilty thoughts along that way. It's not that I want him dead, but had he died instead of rejecting me it would have almost been easier because knowing he's out there, no longer wanting to be friends, it has destroyed who I am.

I went through this once before, about 18 years ago, and I still haven't recovered from that hurt. Usually I'm OK, but we have a mutual friend so I see pictures of her and occasionally run into her at gatherings and it still hurts.

Not only is the knowledge i was rejected hard, but continuing hope is hard. I have to fight the urge to reach out to him ever day. I see him on FB and get anxious to the point I have hidden him from my news feed, visiting his page when I feel up to it. Possibly I do this so I can pretend it is I who am rejecting him. I check my email every day just in case he changed him mind and when I see nothing there i am reminded he doesn't want to continue our friendship and it hurts all over again.

I think in the age if the internet it's much more difficult, as at least with the first friend who rejected me, I didn't see her on Facebook until the past few years nor did i have the easy access to email or other ways to contact her. The temptation wasn't so great. Of course, she was less kind when she parted ways where my most recent loss was very amicable about it.