Like the nasty recluse spiders, as opposed to the "social butterfly." I can't make relationships... I'm doomed to dark holes. If anyone comes near I just suck the life out of them with my darkness, it's my instinct, spiders don't overcome instincts.
I went to a wedding last night, it was beautiful, an awesome wedding, and I'm glad they married because they're so great for each other. But it was really painful for me to go. Even though I was around all the people I know the most, I was totally alone. Everyone was having a great time with the couple, really "living," and I couldn't join in. I was on the outside, noticably so, even got called a party-pooper when I didn't join in the dancing... joined in soon after despite my anxiety, but stuck out like a sore thumb. Ended up leaving, though I would have liked to stay around people, because I'm just too negative, and I hate to be such a negative piece in such a joyful event.
I can't stand it, I'm so lonely. I've tried so many times to join in with people, make friendships, and I fail in everything. I know I'll never fit in with people. I can't even fit in with people online anymore. I can't talk with anyone.